One year ago today..

This time a year ago, my family and I were doing all that we could do, to be with my mother-in-law in her last week here on earth. It was especially hard one, because I had been growing extremely close with her, and I felt like time had run out, to spend time with this amazing woman. I had troubles focusing on anything other that how much I wanted her to live and stay here with us on earth. I only could think about how I would miss spending time with her, going to craft group, or book group, or other such things.

I was unable to focus on my school, and I was failing my classes. I talked to my teachers and my school counselor and moved stuff around with my class schedule and I dropped a few classes. I couldn't help thinking that I was selfish, and I didn't want to loose my new mom that I had worked so hard to get to know. I felt like I was loosing a huge part of my family, and I didn't want her to leave me. She was suffering a lot from Leukemia and Lymphoma. I knew she didn't have much more time to live, so I went up a week prior and spent a week with her. Lucas came with me, he was really little, like I want to say 6 months? (I could count it out.. but its ok haha) At the end of the week (before her last week) that I spent with her, we went to the hospital because she was in a lot of pain. It was really difficult to see her in that much pain. I knew it was time for her to go back to heaven, I just was being selfish. The next week, she had told my father-in-law that she was done fighting the cancer, and that she was tired and wanted to left herself die. Glen told us this, and we came up as much as we could, to be next to her bed. They had moved a hospital bed into their living room and hospice had come in to help. It was the hardest thing to see, but I knew that we needed to see her.

I will never forget the feeling I got when I saw her just a couple days before she died. She was halfway out of this world, she was just calling out and talking to people we knew were in the room, but they weren't there. Like her mother in law Great Grandma Rose. I massaged her feet, because that is what she liked, and I knew that she was not fully with us. It was so hard to see. I nursed Lucas in the basement, and I couldn't help but just cry, as I sat down there thinking about how I was going to miss her. I felt helpless, like there was nothing I could do to help or anything. By the end of the day, I didn't want to wait any longer, because I could see she was halfway gone, and all we were doing was sitting around and waiting. On the morning of the 11th of September, 2012, at 4 am, Lisa Anne Einfalt passed away, in her sleep.

The next time we saw her was at her family private funeral. There were many tears and I could barely hold myself together. At the funeral, it was hard to see all of her friends and see their tears. Everyone told of their memory of her. Josh and his sister Ashley spoke. It was a really hard funeral, probably the hardest one I have ever attended.

It is still hard for me even now, a year later, to not cry when I think about her, because of how much I miss her. After she died, I have tried to find the things that I have that she gave me and I keep them close. I even have her scriptures. We always remind Lucas about his Grandma Einfalt. She will forever have a huge spot in my heart, and I can't wait to get to the spirit world and see her happy and pain free. I just miss her so much!

Thank you for reading my thoughts tonight. I haven't written them down. It is such a hard topic for me and my family especially. Have you lost someone close to you recently? How did it effect you? I would love to read your comments and stories.